I want a divorce.
Because mostly, I walk around hating you. Because mostly, you make me miserable. Because mostly, you are mean and unhappy and you try to make me feel like it’s my fault. Because mostly, you try to project your frustrations with your life onto me. And mostly, that makes me hate you more.
I want a divorce.
But I can’t.
Because mostly, I’m trapped.
And you know that.
Which makes you meaner.
And that makes me hate you more.
The sad thing is, I really don’t think you give a shit.
You tell me I’m unhappy and I wouldn’t know happiness if it shoved itself in my face.
Fuck you.
I know happiness.
And I KNOW. That it’s NOT here. Not with you. Not now.
You make me die a little bit every day.
And I hate you.
But. I’m stuck.
My daughter. Your daughter.
They look horrified when we fight. And unfortunately we’ve fought in front of them.
Both of them begging us and crying to stay together.
I don’t know how much longer I can. Or will.
You’re mean. Horrible.
And you. Wouldn’t know happiness if it shoved itself in YOUR face.
You belittle me because you are feeling small.
You tell me what I’m doing wrong because you are feeling like you are doing nothing right.
You refuse to stick up for OUR son because you are afraid of your Mother not loving you anymore.
I’m done.
I want to be done with you.
But for the kids, I will stay.
For now.
That's Not Jello, That's My Brain 
Staying together for the kids is never a good idea, and you’re not doing your kids any favors.
I’m posting this publicly, using the “name” that everyone knows me by.
My mom and dad hated each other from the day I was born. It showed. I remember every fight, every raised voice, every day my mom spent at the “hotel” because one of their fights went too far.
They stayed together for the kids. Then for money, then because they didn’t know what else to do.
But we always knew. We were smarter than they thought. We were more observant than they thought. They didn’t give us credit, they treated us like idiots.
The result? Fifteen years later I hate them both. Their fighting poisoned us against them.
Don’t do that to your kids.
MAN! That’s rough! This person should definitely go. Far far away from whomever it is that’s causing all this harm …
Hey, if you ever need to vent one on one, I’m an awesome listner. It’s tough to feel trapped in a bad situation. My heart goes out to you.
I agree with Shredder Feeder. The kids don’t realize this, but you’re not doing them any favors by staying. And you certainly aren’t doing what’s best for you.
I’m so sad for you, and I’ve been there and made the mistake of staying for many years. I am SO glad it’s over now.
Boy have I been here. I know how it is to be someone’s prisoner, someone’s object of derision and scorn. Finally got divorced, and have been far better off in every way ever since.
My only regret is that I didn’t go through the courts and make the child support and visitation a court order, to make everything cut and dried and eliminate further arguments.
I know EXACTLY how you feel…I was you 8 years ago, but today that seems like a lifetime ago. If BOTH of you can’t get above your current reality and work on the relationship (professional help or other) – then get OUT. This will one day be just a story in your life – do you want it to be a bitter one or one of doing whats healthy for everyone??
I am so sorry you are going through this. But I agree with some of the other comments – you cannot subject yourself to a terrible situation for your kids. It does them no favors to see miserable parents, and it teaches them bad lessons about compromising their own happiness. I don’t know how old they are, but if they are too young now, at some point they will be able to understand if you really talk to them about why yo had to leave a miserable marriage for your own health, sanity and their happiness. I hope you can find a way to stand up for yourself and find your freedom.
Wow Karie…I am so very sorry. I had no idea. I am always available if you need me okay?
Thank you for putting my thoughts into words. I too am choosing to stay for the sake of my child, and because I too am trapped. The thought that it will not be forever keeps me hanging on. We resist fighting in front of her so she will not see the hostility but it is the best we can do. I have no love left for this man. He has robbed me of any and all personal joy that isn’t related to our child.