Stop The Groping: By Anonymous to her Husband

So…SEX. I’m really not that interested lately. And by lately, I mean maybe, perhaps, months. Several months. You see, among many issues my husband and I have, one of them is sex. Or lack thereof. He wants it. Me, not so much. Part of the problem is my self image. I had a baby 7 months ago and this saddlebag called my stomach Does Not Help the situation.

Aaaaand then, there’s the approach.

My husband cannot walk by me, say hello to me, hug me (you get the picture) with out groping. He gropes. All The Time. Even if he’s not really trying to get sex, he’s still wants to cop a feel. Even in front of PEOPLE. Now he’s not obvious about it front of others, but he’ll still do it. Newsflash hubby of mine — This is NOT a turn on. It is NOT sexy. I AM NOT PRODUCE!!!!!! Stop squeezing me please!!!

I want my husband to sit by me on the couch and just hold my hand without trying to grab my ass. I want my husband to hug me hello without squeezing a boob. I want my husband to let me wash my hands, the dishes, ANYTHING in ANY sink ANYWHERE without having him rub his junk all over my bum. Yeah — he’s that guy. WTF?!! Just let me BE sometimes!!!!!!

I want to be approached like he loves me, not like I’m a white trash trailer chick itchin’ for him to put his hands on me and say “HONK HONK” as he squeezes away. I want to make out before sex. I want to be kissed and caressed. I don’t want to feel like an object. Is it any wonder why I don’t seem to enjoy it that much? Everyone has got their ways, and this is mine and my hubby has known that from day one. In fact, I’m pretty sure if I was any other way he wouldn’t have even married me! Yet he treat me just like anyone else and not his lovely wife, mother of his child.

Yeah, so I probably seem like a prude. Whatevs. I got the “your the kind of girl a guy wants to marry, not date” statement from different guys a few times. But THAT IS WHO I AM. It’s not secret. To each his own and this is MINE. (Does that make sense?) My husband, he knows this. I make sure to remind him of how much I despise his groping every time he does it. BUT HE STILL DOES IT! WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????????

Ok, calming down. I would think that if my hubby wanted sex more than he’s getting it (and that’s not much since we have a baby and I’m so NOT interested) that he’d try and make it more pleasurable for me. Then maybe I’d actually WANT to do it more often. But no. He’s a selfish jerk when it comes to sex. What guy isn’t, right? RIGHT? (Please say I’m right).


I just want a break from all the groping. Please! It’s not an act of love. Manhandling the boob does not say “I care”. Just tell me you love me and hold my hand. That’s all I want.


42 Responses to Stop The Groping: By Anonymous to her Husband

  1. Jennifer says:

    Thank You! Glad I am not the only one with a groper!

  2. MsVennie says:

    You are really complaining because your husband finds you sexy no matter what and likes to touch you?

    Honey, Dr. Laura would have a field day with you, so I’m going to say to you what I believe and what she would probably say.

    I give my husband sex whether I want to or not. Why? Because I want him to be happy. Women are constantly whining about “oh, i’m too fat, or oh, i’m so tired.” We should get over ourselves and learn that our guys actually think we’re sexy no matter what.

    You’d probably complain if he didn’t touch you at all! The poor guy can’t win for losing. And you’re withholding sex? Will you be pissed when he cheats on you? Or will you say, honey, I understand you have needs and I wasn’t fullfilling them.

    Think about it – when I hear women complaining over something so trivial like this, I just want to shake you awake and tell you to stop whining and be his wife AND girlfriend.

    • groping author says:

      Well, I didn’t expected to feel attacked on here, but I guess I should have known better…

      I am NOT withholding sex. I didn’t say we don’t have it. We just don’t have it often. Don’t forget the infant and lack of time. But yeah, I do have sex even WHEN I DON’T WANT TO.

      My point is that the APPROACH should be considered a bit more. I realize that my husband finds me attractive, hence the groping. However, if I really liked licking the side of my husbands face and found it a sexy, but he hated it, I wouldn’t do it. At least not ALL THE TIME. I mean, I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s EVERY DAY, more often than not, that I’m being groped. Headache? Too bad, grope. Feeling sick? Too bad, squeeze. Currently in the process of changing a poopy diaper? Here’s a little grab ass for ya.

      So, EXCUSE me if I feel like MY likes and dislikes should be taken into consideration when it comes to sex. I guess I should consider it all up to the man, huh?

    • TeacherMommy says:

      The husband may have needs and feel they’re not being fulfilled, but she has needs too–and they’re most definitely not being fulfilled. There is such a thing as meeting halfway, you know? She’s not asking to be left alone, to never have sex, to never be touched. I’ll bet anything if he respected her wishes and approached her the way she likes most of the time, she’d start to find the occasional groping a heck of a lot sexier instead of feeling like a piece of meat. And he might get willing fulfillment of her needs more often, too.

      And don’t even get me started on Dr. Laura.

    • more than a sex toy says:

      why don’t you just lay down naked so he can use you as a doormat. We as human beings have a right to have boundaries. and if the man you are with can’t show any love or respect for you without making you feel like his personal sex toy something is wrong with him not you.

    • Sarah says:

      My husband is a groper too and even does it in front of the kids…I am sorry but it’s NOT romantic or loving it is down right dis-respectful… I have been putting up with it for 18 years and have had enough! He makes me feel like a pro… We had a much better sex life when he stopped groping for a while…

  3. melissa says:

    my husband gropes me. i don’t mind it. because i know, without any doubt, that he finds me attractive!! the groping is a way of showing it. definitely at time, like when i’m doing dishes, a boob massage is hardly convenient. but i don’t really stop him either. to him, it’s showing affection. to me…it’s a boob massage. and soap is flying all over the kitchen.
    accept it. really. because when he stops groping, there will be problems.

  4. Lauren says:

    My husband is a groper too. I appreciate that he is sexually attracted to me, but I also just had a baby and I feel like shit. Also, copping a feel on the boob that the baby is nursing on is GROSS. Breastfeeding is not sexy time. I’ve told him that before but he still does it. I guess that’s better than him thinking BFing is disgusting.

  5. I could have written this. Why can’t they just cuddle? Why or why? My husband would get a whole lot farther if he RESPECTED me and my body instead of treating it like an object of his.

  6. Tara R. says:

    I didn’t always like the groping either. It was especially aggravating that my hubs did it in a way that I’d asked him not too. It was a matter of respect. It was not my exclusive duty to keep him happy by offering up MY body for him to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. There were ways to show me he found me desirable and ways of acting that made me feel like a piece of meat.

    Was it better to allow myself to be treated in a way I found offensive, even if it was by my husband, or to let someone use me any way he wanted just because he was my husband?

    It is all a matter of respect. It’s not always about your husband wanting to show you he finds you sexy, sometimes it’s him copping a feel just for his pleasure despite the fact you are exhausted, ill, sore, upset, or whatever.

    Why does it make me, you or anonymous a bad wife because we want, DESERVE, to be treated with respect and love. It’s not only about what husbands want, it’s also about what wives want, and what each couple can enjoy TOGETHER.

    My hubs and I have come to an understanding and he no longer approaches me in a way that bothers me. He grabs a little booby sometimes and I smack a little ass on occasion, but it is now a mutually enjoyable experience.

  7. jellomaker says:

    hon, you aren’t being attacked. people are simply trying to tell you that your husband loves you. don’t feel attacked. please.

  8. I love being groped. I need help.

  9. In my opinion….
    There’s a difference in showing affection, and what she is describing. These are unwanted and inappropriate gestures. And I agree with what another commenter said…it’s about respect.
    To the anonymous poster: talk to him. Explain this to him. And hopefully, he’ll stop the groping and find a better way to show his affection. Like changing a diaper maybe?!

  10. Yes…what Tara said. :::applause:::

  11. Melisa says:

    Ditto on what Tara said!

    (go Tara!)

  12. groping author says:

    Thank you ladies. I’m so glad most of you understand — and than you Tara for finding the words I couldn’t. Because you’re right – it IS about respect. ((HUGS))

  13. In a way I totally get what the Dr. Laura lady was trying to say, men do have needs, and sorry to say but when they are not met, they will find it elsewhere.

    BUT…Great big BUT here…

    Your needs are clearly not being met either. I know exactly where you are coming from with that, when your husband’s idea of foreplay is grabbing a boob and saying let’s go, it makes sex about the last thing you want. Because in that situation, it doesn’t feel like he wants YOU, you feel like he just wants sex, and anything with a crotch would do.

    You need to let him know his idea of foreplay is what is causing the dry spell. Men do better with examples, so maybe try showing him. Next time he starts ‘honking’, take his hand and help him figure out what it should be doing. As long as you are participating, he won’t realize he’s being coached. When his hands are where they need to be, tell him that feels good, and ask him to keep doing it. Eventually he’ll cop on.

    I know it’s frustrating because after this long he should realize, but men really are a bit slow like that, and it’s going to take some communication to get it fixed.

  14. I love the groping. 20 years later, and we are still good. We act like we are cheating on each other, with each other. I cannot imagine not wanting to have sex with my husband. BUT. My kids are older now. When they were babies? All bets are off!

    So, don’t despair. The way you feel now, may very well change. And I found that if I chose to have sex even though I kinda didn’t want to that much? I quickly got into it…and was very glad I did. It keeps you young!


  15. Huckdoll says:

    I’ll just chime in with my two cents (btw, AWESOME new blog, Melissa. Where have I been? Oh yeah, under my rock.)

    Back in the first year of motherhood, I HATED the groping, though it wasn’t THIS much, I still hated it and it turned me so off. I mean, formula stains on my tee shirt, greasy hair and TIRED. No thanks.


    Now that my girls are four I kind like the groping. But four years down the road I also feel a hell of a lot more sexier and sex, making out, being dirty – texts throughout the day, etc. I actually welcome it.

    It will come. Maybe it’s too soon, but perhaps try and feel sexy yourself some days – put on something low cut, makeup, get in the mood. That said, that first year is really hard on the sexual relations – but at least he still gropes you ­čÖé

  16. I’m mixed on the groping. Some days, love it. Most, not so much. It’s nice to know you like my body but does it have to constant?!?!

  17. Sarbear says:

    I know exactly what you all are talking about. I have read book after book in search of a solution. I feel like I’m becoming anti-man almost. I feel like my husband doesn’t respect me or my body when he play honk and sqeeze everytime I’m around him. It makes me feel like a slut of somesort. I know he finds me attractive, but on the other side of this…he always tells me I need to exercise more because i’m lossed my nice ass and my six pack. I haven’t had kids, but I do have a busy full time career and when I get home pinch and hump are not my ideas of fun. When I tell him how I feel he just tells me I’m a stuck up prude. He’s a sexual animal. we honestly have sex almost daily. Even when we’ve already had it once, he’s ready to do it again. We have had sex so many times and I’m on the verge of tears because I think we should meet in the middle. Is once a day not enough?? gosh…I would be okay with once a day because it’s the only way I can stand my husband, but after once it’s like hell after….he is a complete ass hole if he doesn’t get any. He honestly will not talk to me if he doesn’t get any. he’s rude to me and calls me a stuck up bitch if i try to talk to him about it. This seems totally obsurd to me that he cannot try to please my needs like i do for him. Please if someone has some advice…..

    • groping author says:

      Sarbear, I totally feel ya. I get the same thing from my hubby sometimes. But after telling him over and over again a million times, I think he’s finally respecting me about it. Mostly anyway. Have a serious talk with him about how it makes you feel. Tell him you’d actually be more inclined to have sex if HE didn’t make you feel icky with his groping. (I feel the same way you do!). If he doesn’t understand after the talk, then perhaps you should think about counseling. I have brought it up myself….. Good luck sweetie. (HUGS)

  18. The_Other_Side says:

    Just thought you all might like the viewpoint of a groper. You may not intially agree with everything I say but you should at least consider it. And some of what I say will seem more like rambling than anything else but I’m struggling with this issue from the other side. And if any of you want to contact me to discuss this even more then please do. Reading all of your viewpoints helps me to understand what she is feeling. Here’s what I’m feeling:

    Women are emotional creatures, men are physical ones. That means that bond you feel after a long talk is the same bond men feel when they make love. Without a physical connection the emotional side is very hard to maintain. Currently my sex life is not what I would desire. Truth is I would have sex every day if given the chance like any other man. Reality is that I think I would be happy or at least content with 1-2 times a week. As it currently stands it’s more like 1-2 times a month. Now we have 2 children, 1 and 5 so I understand that she is too tired for sex sometimes. But ‘sometimes’ seems to turn into alot of the time. We’ve had the groping talk and I agreed to show her respect and stop the unwanted advances. It’s done nothing to help. Simply put, she got what she wanted and now I get less of what I want which would be a physical relationship. When the physical relationship goes away we men want to know why so we start self-analyzing the same way you women do when you man forgets to tell you he loves you. Does she still love me? She says she does but she doesn’t show it. Am I not attractive enough anymore? Am I a bad lover? etc. . It used to be, when she would let me grope her I could still maintain that physical connection but now that is gone as well. Just an example, we haven’t had sex in over a week and she is just starting a cycle. My wife is also ALWAYS too tired to have sex during the week. After 10 years this has not changed nor do I expect it to but that limits sexual encounters to the weekend. The way her cycle falls it would be at least another week and a half before she would even consider having sex again. So essentially during this little 3 week spell there will be no sex and now no groping. Essentially I will have no sexual contact with my wife for that entire 3 weeks and perhaps even longer if she winds up with a headache or one of the children wont sleep. And this is a very regular type of pattern.

    Now ladies, when we were single we could deal with the 3 weeks. It was easier, alot of us had roomates that had bad feet, bad hair, and didn’t wash their clothes. I was also hungover half the time and felt like garbage. I’m not that young kid anymore and I don’t live with a slob roomate. I live with my wife who smells great, looks great, and is supposed to be my lover. So instead of being repulsed by a smelly roomate I have to smell vanilla and lilacs and stare at her beautiful face only to be told “Can’t touch this”. The groping used to be a way to fill the void when we wouldnt’ have sex. Now she’s taken that away too because she doesn’t feel respected. Well when I do get to feel like my feelings are respected? Right now I don’t feel respect, I don’t feel love, I feel like I live with my sister.

    • groping author says:

      Dear Other Side,
      I get that men are more of a physical creature and women more of an emotional one, but that doesn’t mean that women can’t be physical and men emotional. Understand that first, please.

      Here are a few reasons why I don’t like the groping:
      It happens ALL THE TIME.
      It makes me feel like an object.
      It makes me feel dirty sometimes.
      It has NO emotion in it.
      It actually, literally turns me off instead of turning me on.

      Alternatives: hold my hand, kiss me on the cheek, put your arm around me, sit next to me on the couch — all WITHOUT groping. It might lead something – just be patient.

      Also, there are other factors involved in my particular case. I’m not really ever satisfied. So what’s the draw for me?

      Is your wife? I’m not saying that to be mean, I’m asking honestly. Have you talked to her about it? Have you asked if there is something you’re not doing that you can do for her? Have you taken care of HER? Or is the sex all about you?

      My husband is really my only sexual partner. I had sex one other time in HS. ONCE. So part of that is my fault – I’m a novice. He’s not had much experience either.

      You see, my problems are multi-layered like most. But the groping only adds to the frustration. If only we could take down one issue at a time…..

      • Sigh... says:

        Can’t anyone hear you? You haven’t said “don’t touch me.” You’re simply, at least I feel like it’s simple to understand, saying that the places he touches you make a difference in how your emotions respond. Grab a boob when not in the throws of love/intercourse, feel turned off; grab a shoulder or run fingers through your hair, feel LOVED. I find it incomprehensible that a man can be so simple as to not remember WHERE the parts of our body are that make us feel loved and consequently TURN US ON! Isn’t that what they want – to turn us on. I just got it…I’m going to make a diagram and put it on our bedroom wall. Draw a woman’s body, label the parts that feel loved and the parts that feel groped. A second diagram would be one that affirms that touching, groping, rubbing, kissing the SEXUAL parts of the body feel good during SEX, not dish washing – or for God’s sake, breast feeding.

        How many “talks” do we have to have with you? After 11 years of explaining it, I’m sorry but you’re just proving how little you care to remember. If it’s a physical connection you’re looking for, then arms around my shoulders, kisses on my neck, caressing the palm of my hand, FINGERS IN MY HAIR, I would think would qualify. But, what I hear is you need a genital connection.

        Of all the men I’ve had relationships with, my husband is the only one who has been a groper. So I know there are men who know how to show a woman 1. that they’re interested in sex, and/or 2. that they love being in their presence,and/or 3. that they respect them.

      • themaniam says:

        Hey, I found this discussion doing some searches on google. I’m trying to figure out what to do about the situation where my wife feels like I’m always groping her.

        What I really don’t get is how even sitting on the sofa watching TV together and just caressing her back or neck is perceived as groping. All I can figure is that a lot of that is all in her head… that ANY time I touch her she thinks I have an ulterior motive to have sex with her.

        Honestly, I don’t know where that comes from. And then when she is in the mood for sex, she get frustrated because I don’t pursue her aggressively enough. I raise this issue with her and she says, “I know, it frustrates me too.”

        WTF… I try really hard to figure out what she needs from me to be happy, but if she doesn’t even know what she wants, how am I supposed to figure it out?!?

  19. Jimmyk413 says:

    As a groper, I feel sorry for your situation. I love my wife’s body and I touch it all of the time. I touch her a$$ and breast from time to time when I pass her in the kitchen. I asked once if it bothered her once, because I would not like to be groped by anyone. She said it didn’t bother her at all.
    As a man, when I put myself in my wife situation, I admit that I would not want to be groped. My reason would be because I would feel lessened or owned in some way. So if that is the way you feel, then you are right to object. But as the groper, I got to say that I LOVE touching my wife’s body and if she told me not to grope her I would be hurt and confused. I would want to know why my touch is offensive to her. I would probably be paranoid about touching her in the bed or during foreplay. Because of this, we would have to have a serious conversation about wants and needs. Since, I am for her and she is for me, we would have to come to an agreement that allows both of us to get what we need.

    Good Luck.

  20. […] So, I wanted to have sex with her the other day and she rejected me. ┬áThat doesn’t normally happen, nor is it a big problem here. ┬áThe problem is that out of that discussion, I learned that she doesn’t feel that my touches are affectionate… ever. ┬áThe always feel like groping. ┬áSo, I’m here… not sleeping… trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong. ┬áThe thing is, I’m not exactly a groper. […]

  21. Anonymous me says:

    I understand that men and women are different, but I would like some respect, that’s all. If he tells me he hates something I made for dinner, I don’t make it again. If he tells me he doesn’t like the way I say something to him, I respect him and correct it. Why can’t men do the same?

    Background: Good sex life while dating, got pregnant after 6 months, he didn’t seem too interested, I assumed he didn’t enjoy my pregnant body, I didn’t feel like it much anyway. We got married between kids. Found out during my second pregnancy that he had been having an affair with his ex girlfriend the whole time. There was also some drug abuse. We worked it out, he’s been clean and stopped the affair. It’s been almost 4 years now and he gropes me all of the time. The most annoying is the nipple grab or getting attacked from behind when I’m bent over doing something, and when it’s in front of the kids or other people. (Now my 4 year old son hits me in the butt all the time, because he sees his dad do it.) I really think it’s inappropriate to grind into me when I’m cooking on the stove or grab my nipple while I’m driving. C’mon, I need a safe work environment here please!? I wonder how he would feel if I followed him to work and grabbed him all day while he was wiring somebody’s electric or building a fence. I’m betting he wouldn’t appreciate that. I have told my husband about the groping, he continues to do it.

    I take care of the kids 99.9% of the time, It is exhausting some days. Get up early, go to bed late. My husband gropes me all night long and I wake up feeling like I never went to sleep, then he want’s sex at 6:30 am when he has to get up and get ready for work and leave in a half hour, and I’m exhausted from not getting any sleep. Not to mention that he doesn’t kiss me in the morning because he says he has morning breath (but that’s the only time he wants it) and hasn’t showered the night before after a long days work (electrician/handy man) and sometimes smells a little ripe. When we do have sex it isn’t even close to what it used to be, no foreplay unless you count nipple and crotch grabbing, then it’s wham bam….you get the idea. I have told him what I like and dislike, in bed and out. Told him that I need some affectionate non-sexual touching, rubbing, kissing in order to get in the mood. If I’m not aroused, sex can be painful. I’ve told him that the groping really bothers me and makes me feel disrespected and makes me feel like some sort of a sex object. He stopped grabbing my boobs for about a month, but when he saw it didn’t get him more sex in the bedroom, he started back up again. He never bothered to replace the boob grabbing with affectionate touching. It’s gone on so long that it feels like with any touch, there are ulterior motives. It wouldn’t be so bad if the timing were more appropriate. Like not while I’m cooking or doing dishes, or doing housework, or trying to get the kids in bed (by myself). I have told him if he really wanted sex he would help me get the kids in bed so that we could go to bed together…has he done that? NO!

    To all of you ‘Dr. Laura’ types (aaargh-that woman gets on my nerves) that say “it’s just because he loves you and thinks your sexy”. That’s rediculous! I suppose telling me that I need to lose weight and making remarks about my belly fat is because he loves me and thinks I’m sexy too! Right….. It’s about 25 lbs. and I don’t like it any more than he does but I don’t go getting on him about the 30 lbs he’s gained since I we met. Sure I’m a little concerned he’ll have an affair because he’s not getting what he needs at home (especially since it has happened before when we were younger). But if he cared, he would worry that I might have an affair because I’m not getting what I need at home (though he has no reason to be concerned because I don’t do cheating- and I suppose he knows that).

    Otherwise, our relationship is great. Really, I know it doesn’t sound like it, but we get along great otherwise and are good friends. He’s not much of a talker, so that makes things hard sometimes, especially when I try to explain the groping/sex thing. He takes offense at it and doesn’t even try to see where I’m coming from.

    So, I’m feeling the disrespect because of his continuous groping (last night after him being at work for 13 hours he came home and gave me a kiss and a nipple pinch, then went to bed-Just what I needed…NOT!) I’m upset because he doesn’t make an effort to make the sex thing an enjoyable experience for me and doesn’t take the time to show me I’m loved. I think he’s selfish. He’s upset because we don’t have sex much, and I don’t do extra things to please him in bed. There are things he could do, make a date with me, woo me, make out with me, caress me, touch my face, look into my eyes (though none of it while I’m working) and show affection the way I need it. That would cure a lot of issues. I have even tried by going to bed and just caressing him in non-sexual places, it turns us both on and we have pretty good sex after. After his complaining that I never innitiate sex, I do and we do, then he complains later because I did it too late at night.

    In my very female mind; the key issue is that I want to “make love” not “have sex” and I want those things he does during the day to lead up to “making love” not “having sex”.
    Pinching my nipple, grinding into me, or grabbing my crotch= he wants to have sex.
    Caressing me, passionately kissing me, helping get the kids in bed, or rubbing my shoulders= he want’s to make love.
    See the difference?

    This is apparently an issue with many couples. We see the problem here…..can we come up with a solution?

    PS. Please don’t knock me or him because he had an affair and I forgave him for it and stayed with him. I took vows before God, as did most of you and I take them very seriously. I believe that every problem in marriage can be worked out. I’ve been down the divorce road in the past. Looking back, it probably could have been worked out. Lesson learned.

  22. B says:

    Wow! I had no idea other women had this problem. After many, many talks with my husband he did eventually stop groping me, but still the lack of affection is there. Ladies, I feel ya!

  23. erin J says:

    I really enjoyed reading your post.
    I live with a gropper, and I identify with your post. for me it’s not about him actual touching me, it’s about the frequency, all the time were together, it’s about where, allways my boobs and butt. I would love to be touched softly, not like a peice of meat, it actualy physicaly hurts. and it’s funny how we can tell our husbands how much we don’t like and that it’s a complete turn off and they keep doing it even after two years of saying stop.

  24. Maddie says:

    Oh my! I am almost 60 years old and my husband has been groping my body parts and acting like this for over 30 years, and I am just about ready to cut off his hands (okay, not really, but it has crossed my thoughts)! He acts and talks as if he were the main character in a porn flick, and all eyes were on HIM! I cannot stand this and have been asking him to stop this behaviour for 30 years, and my words fall on deaf ears. Now, he is but a smelly old toot who gropes and I am planning to leave him. I no longer want any man near me. I am not meat or produce that one can grab, squeeze, poke and grope at will. There has never been any love behind his gropes. No! All he has done was grope and show his monkey, barbaric behaviour. Well I have had enough! That chain-smoking bastard is now OLD, fat, smelly, ugly and has nothing sexual to offer. And I am right outta here. Bye-bye to that sucker!

  25. SoRelieved says:

    I am so glad that I found this blog post!! I was googling away, looking for some type of a resolution for this issue and found this little gem. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We got married when I was 18 and he was 21. So, it’s safe to say that we were quite inexperienced sexually when we married. However, I knew enough to know that I hated the groping and it’s been going on ever since the day we walked down the aisle! I am at my wits end w/ it and I just want to punch him when he does it. He believes that it’s his way of showing love and affection and I feel that it’s his way of just simply copping a feel! Reading this blog let me know that I was not crazy and that other women do experience this and don’t like anymore than I do. Thanks some much for being so open and allowing other women to voice their opinions on the topic!

    • T says:

      After 12 years of this, I have hit my limit. In desperation I googled about dealing with husband groping and was stunned to see so many women in the same predicament. I am sick and tired of the women who find being groped, squeezed, humped and pinched to be a compliment or worse, their “wifely duties”. It is degrading, dehumanizing and disrespectful – ESPECIALLY when the wife has made it clear SHE doesn’t appreciate it. “It will get better” is also an asinine way of telling a woman to just deal with it and wait for things to improve. 12 years later, and still waiting, I’m done with this. The man, husband or not, does not have the right to put his hands on you without your permission. Most of us are “stuck” in the relationship we put up with in order to survive; financially, for the kids, for career reasons.. or we really do love the guy, we hate the groping and he won’t stop. Escalating our voices of NO! to the groper is a scary thing; it makes us uneasy, uncomfortable, we aren’t ready to face the consequences so we put up with it. I am financially dependent on the man. The man feels he owns me, and if he wants sex, he’s paid for it by supporting me financially. It comes with the package. For these past 12 years I thought because he paid the bills he had the right to grope and squeeze whenever he wanted. I am now learning I am a person, a human being, and it might take me years to stash enough money away to leave him, but I at least have the start of my own independence and can hold my head up inwardly I am slowly crawling my way out. Speaking to a man who treats women as personal secretaries, about how to treat a woman is laughable. Don’t tell me to go to couples therapy, either. The man thought he was more qualified than the four therapists we’ve consulted. It’s time to get out and get my self respect back. This might not be the choice for all of you ladies, but the ridiculousness of having to put up with the disrespect, as if it is a form of honor, is absolutely ridiculous.

  26. Becky Mcfadden says:

    I love my husband and he is my best friend. He sleeps a little crazy at night and often I have to sleep on the couch. He is one of the greatest guys I know despite the fact of the groping. I certainly don’t want to deprive him of love and have tried to tell him but he doesn’t really understand. This morning when I was about to study and he was leaving for work, he started this and I expressed to him a hug would be nice and less of the groping. He got mad and put his shoes on and left. He is not understanding that I do love him but want him to care about me, and not that I am headless with boobs and the roughness is something I have tried expressing and he doesn’t understand. I believe he thinks I don’t want to be with him but if he could in fact understand what I am saying, our sexual life would improve. When I mentioned the hugging part, he immediately got defensive and said I am not going to force myself on someone. I don’t know what to do about it. If I give in to what he wants, it feels like humiliation to lay down and let someone do things you don’t want. I don’t want to be molested, I want to be loved and feel secure in that. Most of the time, I am feeling that I have to do this to satisfy him and I don’t want to feel that sex is a job and I get upset thinking that he is just using me and then it makes me want to be with him less. One night he turned on music before bed and it was on. Everything was great and I enjoy it. A hug with no touching me chest and pulling or laying beside me for 2 minutes up close without groping me. I am a fire cracker underneath and was once very sexual. I have made suggestions of maybe a glass of wine, or just hugging to start with. I don’t like what is happening to his feelings or mine. I think he truly doesn’t understand and thinks I am rejecting him. He is always playing games trying to get me into the bedroom instead of coming up to me and hugging me and telling me that he needs affection. Throwing or pulling me down on the bed and groping me and in many ways it is painful and can’t get aroused like this. I truly don’t know what to do because if I address it, I fear he will be angered and think I am no longer attracted to him. I am just at a loss and concerned about his feelings but want him to be concerned about mine to. I need help.

  27. Vicki says:

    Having same problem with my husband. But I took a different approach. I am a Christian and took this issue to the Lord. I was impressed that he is trying to “reach out” to me and it is coming in the form of groping. But really, my husband longs to have an emotionally satisfying relationship with me also. Why the groping only, then? Because I am not the most approachable person, that’s why. I used to tell him to talk to me, always be open. That was fine and good….until I one too many times beat him up with what he told me intimately later down the road. I have been unfair to my husband and the Lord loves him very much…so much that I was challenged in this way. I love my Lord and am glad He is good enough to let me know when I have intimacy problems of my own. My husband is a normally quiet kind of guy and I mis-valued him talking to ME, sharing with ME, and turned his intimacy around on him and aimed it at him with both barrels. My husband loves me deeply and wants so much to relate to me on a more intimate level, but I must MUST work on my approachability. I don’t feel like I have lost anything by hearing this from my Lord, in fact I feel I have gained. God loves me so much not to leave me “just as I am” when I can improve as a Christian by learning this lesson. And He loves my husband, which I highly respect.

  28. Valerie says:

    Wow, I cannot believe that there are so many others out there with the same problem I have. My husband is very emotional and would love if I showed him affection; however, he is a groper too. I hardly ever want sex and he wants it all the time, plus he walks by me and constantly touches or looks to see what kind of underwear I’m wearing. Really? Who does that. We have a 5 year old and a 6 week old and 2 months ago while I was away he kissed another girl while completely wasted. We have been married for 10 years and I wanted to leave him so badly, but I know how he truly feels about me I just wish the constant meat groping would stop. I’ve told him time and time again but it doesn’t change. He thinks I should give in my feelings too and just have sex with him, but when I do he gets mad because of my approach. Ok, come on lets do it. Somewhere we got to be more roommates that have sex sometimes and 2 kids. Maybe counseling is the issue to have an outsider analyze. That’s the route I’m heading towards. Good luck!

  29. april says:

    Look up the sexual disorder called Frotteurism. Then talk to a therapist on what you can do to help yourself and maybe hubby will go too. Had this problem for 15 years and lately I have been punching hubby in the face. Feels so good cause a lot of hurt and frustration come out when I hit him. But feel bad after for hitting someone. Now that I understand whats wrong with him Im not so mad but gonna go for counseling. God Bless

  30. Anonymous Groped Wife says:

    I’m happy I found this post! Most of my girlfriends complain that their husbands don’t show much interest in them. I feel like an ass complaining about my groper but I really can’t stand it and it certainly doesn’t put me in the mood, for the same reason: I feel objectified, not respected, etc. It’s gotten to the point where I am anxious even about getting hugs because I know he’ll get at least one grope in there. How sad…

    Secondly, ladies, what is this 1950?! We are NOT obligated to have sex when we don’t want to! Our sex life is just as important as our husbands’ and putting out just to “keep your man” is absurd and degrading. If he wants more sex he can learn to listen to how we like to be seduced.

  31. Ashley says:

    It’s 2012 and the men are still at it. There are so many mixed posts here, some more disturbing than others. My husband is a groper as well. After reading most of the posts here I get the feeling that this could be his way of filling a sexual void one day, then just being dirty harry the next. I don’t know. I would hate to feel like Maddie ^ when we are in our 60’s….oy vey!

  32. tiredofit says:

    All you gropers out there….I think you are missing the point. My husband is a groper. The problem is he has no idea how to show me attention any other way. He NEVER kisses me. Doesn’t hold my hand, doesn’t talk to me much but I am supposed to welcome him touching my ass and boobs??? Before, when we had a great connection all that groping was fine but he has gotten lazy and thinks that since he “allows” me to be a stay at home mom he no longer has to do anything else for me. That should be enough. Never mind that I find it repulsive. I have tried talking to him about it but he always gets up and walks out of the room and says I am being ridiculous. After we talk about it he is even worse…he ignores me even more. Yeah buddy that is gonna get you more sex!

  33. The_Other_Side says:

    Just thought I’d update since my previous post. I stopped groping, tried hugging, tried kissing, tried talking, tried listening, stopped asking for sex, etc. After she showed me no interest in 7 months I hired a lawyer. For the ladies who hate groping, make sure your man isn’t trying everything he can do and you’re ignoring him or you could suffer the same fate as me and my family. I’m a human too, and deserve to be in a loving, affectionate relationship. Remember your husbands have feelings too, and if you continue to reject his advances and isolate him physically, eventually he is just going to turn off, as I did, and then it’s too late. I feel bad for everyone who has posted here and hope you all have better days ahead than I do.

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