Dear Asshole Husband:
Yeeeah –YOU. For the record, I don’t like you. I like regular, nice, easy-going husband. NOT the man I’ve been dealing with the past two days.
You have some damn gall making the ridiculous statements you did. First off, you’re delusional. And secondly, POT calling the KETTLE BLACK (even if you were correct, which you aren’t!).
Seriously?! YOU’RE telling ME that I haven’t looked for a job hard enough even though I knew I was going to be laid off by the end of this year? Seriously?! Um, excuse me…. but aren’t you the one who sat on your ass — oh wait, no excuse me it was more like slept your ass in bed all damn day long — for MONTHS without putting any effort into looking for a job even though you were out of work and we just had a baby? Wasn’t it ME that went back to work early from maternity leave so I could bring home paychecks? Isn’t it ME that is STILL working right now while you’re at home with our baby because we can’t afford childcare and your lazy ass just won’t look for a damn job? Oh no wait, that’s a mistake too. You LOOK, but you don’t APPLY. You look and complain about how no one pays enough, no one will hire you because you don’t have a college degree, no one will hire you because you don’t have experience, no one will hire you because you’re a man (!!! Seriously?!), no one will hire you because you’ve been out of work for so long, no one will hire you because FILL IN ANY and EVERY DAMN EXCUSE HERE. But in all reality dear husband, perhaps no one will hire you because you are too damn picky when you can’t afford to be or because you don’t actually apply for any job because you’ve already assumed your way out of it.
In case you haven’t noticed, we haven’t been able to pay our damn bills! We are behind on at least 3 or 4 of them. We didn’t even pay our damn mortgage this month!! And YOU KNEW this was coming. Yet you waiting until the last minute to think you might need to get your ass moving! JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. Always the last minute.
This is important! This is our LIVES! And now we have a child and you made a commitment to ME and to BABY and to US and you ARE NOT KEEPING YOUR COMMITMENT very well.
And then you also have the gall to tell me you keep a better house than I do??!! Are you fucking serious? Hey asshole, just because you keep up on the laundry more than I did, doesn’t mean you keep a better household. When was the last time you cleaned the bathroom? Answer: NEVER. When was the last time you cleaned the kitchen floor? Answer: NEVER. When was the last time you vacuumed? Answer: last week when I ASKED YOU TO. When was the last time you washed the towels or sheets? Answer: months. (Luckily I’ve done it on the weekends otherwise we’d be DISGUSTING). When was the last time you dusted? Answer: NEVER. Do you see a pattern here? All things I DID DO when I was home with our baby. Even though I was overwhelmed emotionally, physically and mentally. Even though I didn’t know what I was doing with our newborn and didn’t have anyone to help me at first. I DID KEEP THE HOUSE. And I did it as best as I could. Especially since you would come home from work for that single month you worked after baby was born and REFUSED to take baby because you “just worked all day” and didn’t want to have to deal with the baby. Oh the tables have turned now, haven’t they?
I come home from work all day and I take care of baby. Do I complain? NO. Do I refuse? NEVER. But holy hell, you’ve been with him all day and did laundry! GOOD FOR YOU!
You better learn to think before you speak. You better learn to do some inward reflection. You better learn to view yourself the way others view you. You better learn to appreciate your wife and not take me for granted. Because once again, I’m at my whits’ end and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle you, asshole husband, much longer.
Your under-appreciated, frustrated, scared, upset, desperate wife.