Dear Asshole Husband:
Yeeeah –YOU. For the record, I don’t like you. I like regular, nice, easy-going husband. NOT the man I’ve been dealing with the past two days.
You have some damn gall making the ridiculous statements you did. First off, you’re delusional. And secondly, POT calling the KETTLE BLACK (even if you were correct, which you aren’t!).
Seriously?! YOU’RE telling ME that I haven’t looked for a job hard enough even though I knew I was going to be laid off by the end of this year? Seriously?! Um, excuse me…. but aren’t you the one who sat on your ass — oh wait, no excuse me it was more like slept your ass in bed all damn day long — for MONTHS without putting any effort into looking for a job even though you were out of work and we just had a baby? Wasn’t it ME that went back to work early from maternity leave so I could bring home paychecks? Isn’t it ME that is STILL working right now while you’re at home with our baby because we can’t afford childcare and your lazy ass just won’t look for a damn job? Oh no wait, that’s a mistake too. You LOOK, but you don’t APPLY. You look and complain about how no one pays enough, no one will hire you because you don’t have a college degree, no one will hire you because you don’t have experience, no one will hire you because you’re a man (!!! Seriously?!), no one will hire you because you’ve been out of work for so long, no one will hire you because FILL IN ANY and EVERY DAMN EXCUSE HERE. But in all reality dear husband, perhaps no one will hire you because you are too damn picky when you can’t afford to be or because you don’t actually apply for any job because you’ve already assumed your way out of it.
In case you haven’t noticed, we haven’t been able to pay our damn bills! We are behind on at least 3 or 4 of them. We didn’t even pay our damn mortgage this month!! And YOU KNEW this was coming. Yet you waiting until the last minute to think you might need to get your ass moving! JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. Always the last minute.
This is important! This is our LIVES! And now we have a child and you made a commitment to ME and to BABY and to US and you ARE NOT KEEPING YOUR COMMITMENT very well.
And then you also have the gall to tell me you keep a better house than I do??!! Are you fucking serious? Hey asshole, just because you keep up on the laundry more than I did, doesn’t mean you keep a better household. When was the last time you cleaned the bathroom? Answer: NEVER. When was the last time you cleaned the kitchen floor? Answer: NEVER. When was the last time you vacuumed? Answer: last week when I ASKED YOU TO. When was the last time you washed the towels or sheets? Answer: months. (Luckily I’ve done it on the weekends otherwise we’d be DISGUSTING). When was the last time you dusted? Answer: NEVER. Do you see a pattern here? All things I DID DO when I was home with our baby. Even though I was overwhelmed emotionally, physically and mentally. Even though I didn’t know what I was doing with our newborn and didn’t have anyone to help me at first. I DID KEEP THE HOUSE. And I did it as best as I could. Especially since you would come home from work for that single month you worked after baby was born and REFUSED to take baby because you “just worked all day” and didn’t want to have to deal with the baby. Oh the tables have turned now, haven’t they?
I come home from work all day and I take care of baby. Do I complain? NO. Do I refuse? NEVER. But holy hell, you’ve been with him all day and did laundry! GOOD FOR YOU!
You better learn to think before you speak. You better learn to do some inward reflection. You better learn to view yourself the way others view you. You better learn to appreciate your wife and not take me for granted. Because once again, I’m at my whits’ end and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle you, asshole husband, much longer.
Sincerely,
Your under-appreciated, frustrated, scared, upset, desperate wife.
That's Not Jello, That's My Brain 
I gotta tell you – if you’re getting that now, get the hell out! I’ve been with my husband for almost 25 years, and I’ve “lived the dream” for most of them. I’ve heard (and fucking believed!) every damn excuse under the sun. It won’t get better, it’ll only get worse.
I’ve worked my ass off all my life, I make almost $100K/year, and it’s not enough. I’m now in a position where I can’t afford to divorce the jerk. If I do, he’ll take everything, because “I prevented him from working so that I could focus on my career.” He feels trapped. Well wake the fuck up and smell the coffee!
Seriously – get out while you can. Take your baby, take the hit, and run. Things’ll be crappy for a few years until you get your feet under you, but it’ll be SO MUCH BETTER then.
Good luck.
That sucks! Hang in there. Talk to him and REALLY tell him how you feel. Good luck!
I have heard this same thing from a lot of new moms. I agree with Brenda. You need to wait until the kiddo is asleep and sit down with your husband and have a talk about each other’s expectations. Not to sound cliche but marriages need communication to work. Also, ALL new parents go through this. My husband used to come home from work and immediately go play on his computer. Now he comes home and immediately takes the baby from me. We’ve established each other’s expectations and hold each other to them. TALK TO HIM.
Been married 12 years and have been waiting for my man to change that long. Yes he does the laundry too but thats it! I love your comments about cleaning the bathroom – my husband is the same way. He will “pick up” the house but is oblivious to the grunge in the corners or the grease on the wall above the stove. Drives me crazy!
I made a new rule 2 weeks ago.. if you PEE STANDING UP you get to CLEAN THE BATHROOM FLOOR!
I feel your pain. I’m married to Captain Critical and couldn’t be more sorry for coming back to the bastard out of guilt last year. Now I’m another year into being verbally chastised for every little thing, and after all the negative self image he invokes in me, that much further from having the balls to leave his pathetic ass. Thanks for your blog, it’s restored my faith that these men are pricks and women are too good for their bullshit. He’s waking up alone tomorrow. Guess he’ll have to figure out where his socks are on his own. Duh dipshit….look in the same drawer I’ve been putting them in for 7 years.
I only have 1 son and I’m married to a jerk too.
I told him today that I have 1 pair of pants for work and needed to take the day tomorrow to go shopping. Do you know what 1 pair of pants for work looks like? That means I wear the same thing everyday and it contributes to me feeling so bad about myself.
He constantly takes 4+ hours to go play golf, go to the shooting range, etc, but I can’t have 1 day to myself.
I’m 100 lbs overweight and I think of killing myself constantly.
I can’t get him to support me on anything. Every night, he fights with me and thinks that being a smart ass is playful and cute.
I hate the sound of his voice.
I hate being stuck in this marriage.
I hate what I do and everything about my life.
He’s let others treat me poorly and had a history of lying to me. It was hardest to discover the truth about his sexuality and trust issues have run deep since. The only comfort I’ve had every day is with food and the weight has caused issues in every other area of my life, but I don’t have the tools to make anything better.
My son wakes me up constantly through the night so I’m always running on fumes and I all I get is headaches from my husband.
Even as I’m typing this I’m thinking of what kind of pills would take care of my problems for good.
Buy a pair of ear plugs so you don’t have to hear the sound of his voice. Start walking especially when he gets home. Make a plan to move on and to take your son with you. Pray but don’t throw away the gift of your life!!! Enjoy food, air and get another pair of pants. He does not sound worth killing/murdering yourself over. Seriously, you are worth more than that!!! Linda
Dear No More Kids:
My heart hurts for you. I’m in a similar situation. Today after yet another fight with my asshole husband, I thought to myself, “Well, look on the bright side: someday you will be dead, and all this suffering will be over.” Then I cried to myself because I realized if looking forward to my death is looking on the bright side, I really am in a terrible place.
I will tell you one good thing. Like you, I was 100 pounds overweight and miserable. I decided to join Weight Watchers and lose at least some of it. So far, 30 pounds and I feel a helluva lot better physically. On my good days, I think that losing weight and getting healthy is the best revenge. My husband is a lazy, fat man (in addition to being mean, mean, mean). He doesn’t have and never will have the discipline to make healthy food choices and/or to move his body. I am getting stronger every day. He is 48 years old, and today, he couldn’t bend over to pick up something that dropped on the ground (it hurt his back to bend). His body will turn on him more and more as time goes by (and he will become an even worse asshole because the limitations will make him angrier). I’ll be sprinting to my new life by then. See ya, sucker.
If you can, lose weight for you. It will help you feel better about yourself. Think of yourself as a fighter in training. I now even enjoy all the work I do around the house because it is also helping me get stronger. My husband does not do squat unless I ask him to, and usually I have to ask more than once, and usually he yells at me and/or gives me excuses about why he can’t do it. Lazy asshole! Fine, sit down and watch some more television. I’m getting a great cardio workout vacuuming and scrubbing floors and weeding and so on. Pretty soon, you won’t be able to get your butt out of that oh-so-appropriately named Lazy Boy chair.
I have two children, toddlers. I am staying until it is the right time for ME to leave with them. I am sad for my children. Sad that they have parents who fight a lot. Sad that they won’t grow up in a happy home. Sad that someday I will leave their father, and he will be more miserable than he is now.
Lisa
No More Kids: let’s hope the pills are for HIM and not for you!!!
I have been in a three year relationship with a man I am coming to HATE. He started out so charming and sweet and thoughtful . . . Once we moved in together he became manipulative, controlling, critical and paranoid. I tried to leave him, he begged me for another chance. He was sweet and affectionate and considerate of boundaries for the next year and a half. Then we got married. He changed THE DAY OF OUR WEDDING!!! It’s been 6 months of bullshit from him. He says he has panic disorder and couldn’t find a frigging job (or got one and subsequently lost it due to panic attacks at work) for practically the whole time we’ve been together!!!! I have worked my ass off to support us.
Last month I lost my job because I had the flu (which he acts like I FAKED) and missed two days of work. He was controlling all our finances and wouldn’t let me take out the money to get the doctor’s note I needed to return to work. So they fired me. THEN he FIIIIINALLY gets a job and complains that I’m sitting on my ass doing NOTHING all day and NOT TRYING to find a job while HE works HIS ass off!!!! I have a supplementary income that equals his, so what does it matter if I sit at home or not . . . I match his income!!! I make sure the house is clean and tidy, his meals are ready, laundry is done, etc. MORE THAN HE DID FOR ME WHEN HE WAS UNEMPLOYED!!!!
He says he’s miserable working and can’t take the stress. Oh, because I didn’t mind it so much over the last three years? He is starting to exhibit behavior that makes me suspicious he is going to get himself fired in the very near future. If he does this we are DONE. I am tired of supporting his ass AND getting criticized constantly, belittled, being made to feel like the crazy one, having mind games played on me, being stalked constantly . . . He even makes me stay online with him all day while he’s at work because he says he’ll go crazy worrying about me “getting into trouble” if I don’t. IOW he thinks I’m going to cheat on him, even though I have never given him reason to believe I would cheat.
He drinks too much, antagonizes me with little jokes that he knows hurts my feelings, pokes and prods and grabs and pulls at me constantly, knowing that it hurts, is uncomfortable, and at the very LEAST annoying and then complains I’m an uptight bitch if I ask him to stop.
If it weren’t for our children I’d be miles away by now . . . and still may be. He doesn’t allow me to tell him my REAL feelings about our relationship (becomes aggressive if I do), so I assume our end will come with a big blow up . . . and I’m not afraid to call the police and have him escorted out if necessary.
Take a self defense course for women at the local YWCA, and then tell him what you really think…if he gets aggressive, knock him on his ass.
What a damned idiot! What I’d do is quit my job and stay home. It’s his job to work, and you want to stay home with your baby, so do. Force his ass off the couch and to take some responsibility. And if he leaves, well, what the hell…you’ve been dealing with someone emotionally/mentally gone for months now.
My husband gets worse with every passing day. I feel everyone’s pain here. I’m 6 months pregnant and feel like I should get out now before life gets harder. I think baby and me would be better off on our own. I don’t even want him in the delivery room because I am afraid of his critical words… I just imagine..’your not trying hard enough!’ God help me.
OMG…I couldn’t of said it any better myself. My husband hasn’t worked for 3 years. Got his mom to pay for his college (2nd round) so he could make the big bucks of a school teacher —didn’t discuss it with me or anything. He was for about 2 years making 80K+ but that job made him miserable….boo f*in hoo. My kids are teenagers, but I’m the only one that goes to work everyday at a job I can’t stand, but I do it for my family. He claims to be searching the internet for a teaching job, but alas, he has a DUI so he’ll never get a teaching job. He thinks that because he makes dinner 4 out of 7 nights he is doing his due dilligence…I don’t know what to do.
I had a husband like that…this turns out he wanted to be home bec he is a pedophile and a closet drinker, dump him now. Fuck the bills except for the ones that keep you in your house/car. The state will force the scum to pay child support. Go for full custody and if you can move across the country where it will be very difficult for him to ever visit. Don’t delay! There is an underlying sickness when a man won’t work. Trust me, and run like hell. Change the locks and put his crap outside.
You are my favorite fucking person right now!!!! Omg lol… how many times have i said this shit to mine!!! Kicker is, mines a crackhead and a drunk!!! You go sister! Yay! Fuck dr jekkyl and mr hyde. Mine is just a gaping oozing bastard ass clownhole!! Haha! Wanna have some fun? Accidentally knee him in the balls when you are in bed getting ready to sleep and hes dead asleep and he wants to cuddle. Oops! I was asleep! Tee hee best sleep EVER!
my husband is a selfish twat, an arrogant idiot so full of himself it is enough to sicken even someone with a cast-iron stomach! it’s his way or the highway. seriously if it were easy to leave his miserable fvcked-up ass, I WOULD in a heartbeat.he just angered me to the point of coming to Google and typing “husband is an asshole!!!” and lo and behold I founf your blog. I feel your pain sister. no amount of talking to these idiots will help because they think they are fvcking perfect while secrety hating themselves and fraught with insurmuntable insecurity. GOD FORBID you should have any interests, occupations or pastimes that don’t include him! ugh. he makes me so sick I could scream. to the lady that wants to kill herself, don’t give that pathetic excuse for a man the satisfaction. fight back! so you’re overweight, so what. you won’t always be. even so, it doesn’t diminish you as a person. he’s the ass, NOT YOU. well I could go on but I will stop now. maybe I will create my own blog about dickhead husbands. thanks for sharing.